just recorded some serious drunken sludgery- "dumb dick of the south" and if you message me an email adress i'll send it to you and then you can pretend to like it. so far out of the 133 friends i have on facebook, one person asked for it, so you should feel some kind of sense of pride in making livejournal connect friends better than fb and at least download it. puhleaze

hello children

it was brought to my attention last night that that i have some sort of reputation for being "pro slavery," which is a little... strange.  i don't really know where this rumour got started but i just want everyone to rest assured that i'm not pro slavery.  i mean, if someone wants to come over and clean my room for me i'm probably not gonna pay them but i promise i'll heat you up a burrito or something and listen to some LP's.  some stupid poop face that i've never spoken to in my life aside from me being a cashier just came up to me at a friend's house and was like "are you that guy that's pro slavery?" and i said "uhhh, no" and then she was all like "well whenever you came up they were all like 'that's the guy that's pro slavery', and i just want you to know that if you're a fucking racist i'm gonna have a big problem with you and i'll probably punch you in the face."  i suppose violence is the cure for bigotry, you know, since after the south was burned down during the 1860's we suddenly became a theme park for black people...?  i told her that i was just as indifferent to black people as i was everyone else, then she jumped my case for being indifferent to people ("it's fine to hate people and it's fine to love people, just don't be indifferent to them") then she started ragging me on the fact that if i was indifferent to everything, which i never ever said, then what do i care about.  here was this drunk scowling girl who i've never met in my life grilling me about my standards and morals.  i told her i valued work ethic and good manners- seemed like a safe, honest answer that would hopefully end this grilling i was receiving.  wrong-o.  apparently manners are only to be used around old people and in certain situations (her words) and that if she didn't like what someone said she would, once again, punch them in the face- which is not good manners but totally appropriate behavior as far as she was concerned.  i politely kept trying to steer the conversation away from my morals and ethics and talk about something else- even going as far as agreeing with her asanine statements of hatred and violence just so she would leave me alone (how many of you have EVER known me to agree with someone so they'd leave me alone?... yeah, that's how bad it was).  later on when she was in the aparment she told adelee that she could do way better than me after having this 5 minute conversation about slavery and manners.  geez louise.  then her punker guy boyfriend with gluey mohawk comes out and starts fucking with me about being a hippy, which i'm not, at all.  if anyone cares to dispute this fact you can just read anything i've ever written in my life concerning hippies, peace, the environment, etc.  he got really mad and started telling me that if i got adelee hooked on hard drugs he was gonna kill me, then i told him i didn't even smoke pot (if you know me then you know i don't even drink hard liquor) and he started ragging me on why i worked at the handy pantry if i wasn't a hippy.  uhhh... hello, it was like the first non-shitty place that would hire me when i was all jobless and shiv last summer.  and if you think only hippies work at the pantry you should take a look at my coworker shane (or just listen to his band's track on my profile) and decide for yourself.

anyways i got so mad at that girl that i ended up having to leave and then had shitty frustrating dreams all night.  she also ripped on me big time for having Mississippi tattood across my shoulders and couldn't understand why i was so proud of this shitty place... maybe it has something to do with the fact that i live on land that was homesteaded in the first decade of the 1800's and i have a sense of pride in my heritage and home.  shit.  i love how anti people are always like "everyone's always judging me and they don't even know me, whaa whaa just cuz i wear a studded belt everyone thinks i'm a freak."  i never judge anyone's personality 'till i meet them, and last night i was all kinds of Joe Brown up in that bitch.

-pirate seth

again, not pro slavery

hello children

i don't really feel like typing too much because i'm pretty lazy but i just thought it was worth mentioning that i went and signed some papers yesterday to join the coast gaurd later this summer.  i have to go retake the ASVAB again next week since my highschool scores were too old (*gasp* has it been that long?) and then after that i've got 29 days from today to take the physical.  on a related note, i'm sitting here in the library at USM with seran wrap crinkling under my vintage red "babe ruth classic 1976" ringer so that i can sweat out all of those *ahem* toxins from my pudgy little redneck beer belly.  remember that time that i had my jaw broken?  well, one of the forms asked if i had ever had surgery and i included that incident on there but then realized i still had unpaid medical bills at the maxillofacial clinic here in the Burger and they probably weren't gonna be too keen on giving me a medical release form... so the lady had to kinda "go run an errand" while i shredded the form and filled out a new one with a clean medical history.  one of the questions on there was if you were a chronic bedwetter after the age of 12.  anyways i got some free t-shirts and a backpack and shiv.  since i'm a squeaky clean recruit with 76 college hours and not even a parking ticket on my criminal record, the lady said that i can probably go to any job training i want after basic.  there's a ton of things in there that have to do with environmental research and medical stuff and electronics and all that shiv but i figure if i join the coast guard i should be doing boat stuff, so i'm looking at becoming a "boatswain mate" which is basically just handling the actual boating stuff and not much else.  if there's no slots open in that school i'll probably opt for gunnery mate since i was born with a shotgun in my hand and a gunrack on my stroller.  i get a 5,000 dollar sign-on bonus for my college hours, and i only have to sign a four year contract which means that for the next four years i can live in cheap housing and eat military food and save up all my money and then come back to hattiesburg or wherever and open up "pirate seth's cracker culture rock 'n roll records and wife beaters" retail store.  or i can be a tugboat captain at Stennis or on the mississippi river or something.  blah blah blah that's enough of that.

mc chris is NUMBER 4 on itunes rap albums downloadables or something or other internet talk.  he's beating Lil Wayne which means that i'm shivering with the anticipation of violent Lil Wayne lyrics targeted at MC Chris lol.

-pirate seth

on my way to being a real pirate

hello children

i rock one square beat then go eat at wendy's.
wendy's?
i haven't eaten at wendy's in quite some time.
I don't know if i told everyone, but i have this awesome red and white cannondale bike that i've been zipping around the burg on lately.  you may have seen a red blur blow past.  that was me on my bike.  it's a bright shiny red road bike with a shitwad of bichin hardware and white cable wraps and white handlebars with a red seat and red tires and two water bottle holders.  yeah, i'm pimpin.  in other news, you probably won't see my driving the chrysler very much since it's broken and cars are too stupid to pay money for to fix.

last night at work i saw some guy ask one of our customers for weed in the parking lot, and then when the guy came in i said "if you try to buy pot from our customers again i'm gonna have to call the cops."  it's a thing i've said before to several different people.  almost everyone always apologizes and says they didn't realize it was an issue, and then the matter is dropped.  this guy said "why does it fucking matter to you what i do outside- i'm not bothering you" and I said "it fucking matters to me because i spend 40-something hours a week standing here and i don't that kinda shit going on where i work."  anyways, he kept running his mouth so i told him to leave and then he said "leave?  you want me to fuckin leave?  i can't fuckin believe this shit- i will have someone up here for your ass when you leave tonight!" and then i said "someone... else?  like... not you?"  and he just said fuck this a lot and left.  i wrote down his license plate number and car make and a physical description of him and his car.  it had a USM license plate so i figure if i see it parked one day i can... report him to the proper authorities (or somethin...).  anyways, so i close the store last night and i lock up and set the alarm and everything and i walk outside and unlock my bike and smoke a black 'n mild for 15 minutes or so waiting on someone to come beat me up, but it never happens.  what a blue-baller of a story, huh?

also, i figured since i told my grandma a few days ago I can go ahead and tell everyone else that at the end of the summer i plan on joining the coast guard.  why at the end of the summer?  so that i can dick around for a few months before being tied down to military life for the next few years.  why the coast guard?  well, i tried being a professional cowboy for a while, and that was pretty fun and landed me a couple of cute girls and a lingering lack of physical sensation in the lower quadrant of my face.  i interned in a cubicle and that was something that was worth doing for about three months.  i even tried college- a few times in fact, but i'm just not feeling the whole "further education" thing right now even though it was totally fun and helped me score a ton of chicks.  right now the whole convenience store clerk/ anarcho-capitalist/ rapping/ intellectual hepster bike rider thing is going pretty good for me. i know a lot of cool people and i'm in pretty good shape and have an exceptional wardrobe and a huge cd collection and a color-coordinated apartment but i'm getting pretty bored of hearing a million people say "gimme pack' rillos bra" every other day or so and it's painfully obvious that my rockin threads and really cool stuff is kinda holding me back from fun time adventures of your unmarried 20's, so i'm joining the coast guard.  it's not like i'll have to go to iraq or anything like that, and i'm only doing it for a few years- just for fun.  i just think it'll be a cool life experience to ride around on boats and learn how to rescue people and stuff.  actually, i wanna be in the gun-shooting coast guard so i can blast drug smugglers and stuff.  anyways, i just think it'll be hella fun for a few years is all.  i can bank all of the money i make and just life a pretty ascetic military life for like 5 years or whatever.  then, when i get out, i'll be in my later 20's and have a big, fat stack of dough to invest into my mid-level fashion store/ bike repair shop (assuming dickie isn't president of cane's)/ rogue literature publishing company.

when i'm in the coast guard, you won't be able to see me- BUT, you can see all my stuff at my apartment because i'm paying part of the rent so that dickie will continue to guard my shit while i'm gone and some hobo won't be cooking cat food in my all-red stainless steel matching kitchen appliances while they're sitting in some ratty mini-storage.

also, ummm, to all the hobos out there- you can get regular human food that costs less than cat food.  just thought i'd toss that out there.

-pirate seth
all sexed up

hello children

it's ya boy, pirate seth, reppin that motha fuckin state y'all don't scream on y'all songs.

a crappy failing educational system doesn't mean mississippi is stupid,  it means that we're so conservative that we don't put a lot of stock in force-fed government education.  hey big government, you may force us to create public schools and attend them, but that don't mean we're gonna learn no pussy liberal education.  there are examples of zero-education enclaves of anarchists that think it's pointless to learn the abstract, useless crap from school.  fuck education, just give us something to do for 70 years.  that's all we want- a couple of beer-only bars, a bowling alley within 45 mins. drive, and some way to demonstrate our mechanical skills (dirt drag strip, speed boats, sheds made from old bunk beds).

maybe if people stopped sitting on their asses in school all day we'd stop being the fattest state.

also, that christian guy wants to try to get us in that redbull flugstag or whatever it's called where people drive off the end of a pier and see how far they can go.  for some reason our great idea was putting christian in a giant wheel of cheese and rolling him off of a cheese ramp at the end of the pier.  naturally, i had environmental concerns about putting that much cheese in the ocean at once, but then we figured it'd be just like milking a huge cow into the ocean, and that doesn't seem too bad.

the other day i put a stool on my stomach with the legs sticking out and told dickie to milk me, but that fool didn't even know how to milk a cow (where's paulie shore when you need him?)

-pirate seth
red elephant, cheese rolling cow